Responsibility

To many visitors to this blog, it may seem that Shannon has been telling our "adoption story" and if you made this assumption you are correct. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is usually a duck. The reasons for this are quite complex, or at least in my mind, and I will attempt to offer a few well-thought out excuses. First of all, never underestimate the laziness and stubbornness of men when it comes to sharing things from the heart though men usually have plenty to say. Secondly, Shannon has a way of telling a story as if she was talking to an old friend and I have been perfectly content with her as the narrator because it is clear that she is fundamentally gifted in this regard and why would I ever want to tinker with absolute perfection. And last, there is a running joke in this family about Shannon's quest to conquer this technology-driven world and I have to admit that she may have just done that in the best way possible as this will serve as a link to you all throughout this whole process....what a gift and I am so proud of her.

So now I guess it is my turn to say some of the things that men have to say but lack the skills to do so. I think, for me, the thing that has been most rewarding from this whole experience thus far is born out of the complexity of the process and the exhaustion that we have felt while trying to negotiate the many obstacles. Shannon and I have been through many trying times as a newly married couple, but this is the single most important thing that has happened to both of us since we exchanged our wedding vows. I don't think we really knew how close we were until we had to get in the foxhole together and figure out how to make it through this without completely going insane. I don't think we were aware of our collective fortitude until now and we have become this great, strong team and we will only get stronger because it's not over yet. We have learned a lot about one another......we have learned to trust one another and we have displayed individual responsibility that seemingly was nonexistent before. I even amaze myself at times because there is something about pending fatherhood that makes you see the world differently...almost an instinctual anomaly from the normal routine as if you are preparing the "nest" for the pending arrival. I will offer the following example to illustrate my point:

Shannon and I decided that while we were in this long waiting period that we would get a jump on decorating the nursery.....I know it seems a bit early but life just can't stop while we wait and it's actually a lot of fun though Shannon wouldn't describe it as such when I was in one of my many rants about painting.....my least favorite task. I like to think I stepped up to the plate for this one if I could indulge myself for a brief moment. A few weeks earlier, Shannon had gone to Lowe's and brought home several paint samples as we had previously agreed that green was a good color for the baby's room and we envisioned a frog theme.....no, not like the Australian rain forest....cute frogs, the type that all kids adore and the type that Shannon herself adored as a kid. I remember looking at the paint samples and thinking that the greens seemed a bit "bright". Forgive me, I was thinking like a man. What came next infused enough fear into me to make Texas Chainsaw Massacre seem like a children's movie......she wanted alternating green and white stripes. Could I really pull this off or should I call in reinforcements? After collecting myself, researching stripe painting technique on the Internet, and reading an article on stripe painting that had been clipped from a home improvement magazine, I would eventually get started. I went into the project with the mindset that I would just get it done as quickly as possible without paying much attention to the quality of the job. A strange transformation happened about two minutes into the project when I began to think about my "child to be" spending the majority of his/her time in this room. My mission changed from "let's just get it done" to "my child deserves the best I have to offer". We set about with chalk line, tape, rollers and brushes of various sizes, and "bright" green paint. At times we resembled mad scientists trying to recreate Frankenstein. We weren't really sure how this would turn out, but it would not be for a lack of effort. I think we were both surprised when we removed the tape and revealed what the hard work had given us.....perfection....not because every stripe is crisp and well aligned, not because we didn't occasionally splash green paint onto the white stripes, but because we had given it our all and we had done it together for our child who we do not yet know and who will be perfect to us. In the days following I would go through and replace all of the electrical outlets and switches in the room because this has to make the room more safe...right? Who knows, but the point is a sense of responsibility kicked in from some unfamiliar region of the soul and it felt good and it continues to grow daily.